She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I didn't notice because vodka
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
