I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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