Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
