Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
