Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
