You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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