Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
