Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She's the barista slut.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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