Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
