dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
