So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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