Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
