I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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