i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
