Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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