margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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