What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
