and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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