Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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