Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
