We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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