Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
