wat bout pragnant strippers??
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
