Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
