His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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