I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
