i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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