if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
