i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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