did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
