he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
