I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
