So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
