The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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