It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
