i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
