So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
