Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You don't make any sense
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