Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
