this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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