I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?