the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...