Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples