and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
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We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
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What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.