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the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The beer is more important than you right now.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
