fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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