after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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