We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
