we have officially lost it.
"it" just moved
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
