im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
