tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
