she was so not down for the gang bang
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
