Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
