Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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