She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
