Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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