Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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