I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
