Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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