marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
