First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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